The trap of comparison

Our compassion can be blocked by the trap of comparison. 

The trap of comparison refers to those moments when we minimize our own or other’s suffering by saying something like “my/their suffering is not as bad as…” and we block our capacity to offer ourselves or others compassion. 

This is when I like to repeat these words: suffering is suffering is suffering. 

This helps remind me that all suffering is worthy of compassion. 

These words remind me and give me permission to offer compassion to all of my suffering, because all suffering is worthy of compassion. 

We tend to think of suffering only as big, major suffering, such as the suffering of someone in a war-zone, or the suffering of the grief felt by someone losing a loved one. 

Yet, suffering shows up in many ways. 

That moment when I have a self-critical thought - “something’s wrong with me”, or “I’m just broken, I’ll never get over this” - that is a moment of inner suffering and it is worthy of compassion. 

That moment when I experience an intense challenging emotion - anxiety, sadness, disappointment, shame, grief, frustration, etc - that is a moment of inner suffering and it is worthy of compassion. 

That moment when I feel pain in my body, that is a moment of suffering and it is worthy of compassion. 

Suffering is suffering is suffering. 

An invitation:

Let us stay open to noticing moments where we might be blocking our compassion because we are minimizing suffering by comparing it and deeming it “not as bad as” and thus unworthy of compassion. 

That moment when you feel really overwhelmed or stressed out this coming week, remind yourself that the moment of suffering worthy of compassion.

And here is a compassionate phrase to support us in this invitation:

May you open to the possibility of offering yourself compassion and receiving it, for any and all of the suffering that might be present.

Repeat this phrase softly to yourself a few times, carry it with you this week. Let the phrase sink into your body. Play with it, edit it, make it your own. 

Here’s to practicing and growing together!

Michelle